When someone close to you has been retrenched or for other reasons is entering the job search phase, it is useful to understand the situation from their point of view to ensure your behaviour is supportive and not unintentionally irritating or dispiriting.
People who have lost their job are in ambiguous and uncertain territory; they knew what they were, they don’t know what they will be, and the time in between is confusing, uncertain, impacted by others, changing, challenging and destabilising.
Their life is not under control and they feel threatened and uncertain about the future. It is natural to be anxious, unsure and tense.
Usually they are actively seeking a new role, if not then:
- They may have good reasons such as medical or recreational reasons.
- They may be extremely unhappy and demotivated or even clinically depressed and feel unable or ill-equipped to progress.
It is important to show respect for the individual and to be a safe haven for discussion and support.
The following comments have been mentioned by job seekers as being supportive and helping them feel normal in unsettling circumstances.
The most helpful approach is providing supportive and constructive meetings in a formal or informal setting. Some people will like a regular structured meeting schedule, others will prefer a more spontaneous approach.
Positive actions to facilitate the benefits of such meetings include:
- Listen with genuine interest to their concerns.
- Listen with genuine interest to their progress and tactics, praise and confirm whenever possible.
- Provide suggestions and assistance when asked.
- Suggest professional assistance if you see they are confused or erratic.
- Outplacement service if they are unclear about what they are seeking, what they have to offer, how to job search or behave in interviews.
- Psychological assistance if they have ceased to function as they usually do in their daily life
- Whenever you see them, treat them normally and discuss and undertake all the usual behaviours and tasks, i.e. live in your normal way and provide them with a normal environment.
- Provide introductions to your network, if asked and they have clarity about what they are seeking.
- Offer to help with interview preparation for network meetings with background on the network contact or a discussion on suitable questions and responses.
The following behaviours have been identified by job seekers as un-helpful and counter–productive behaviours.
- Asking every time you see them “have you got a job?” is demotivating and isolating, very irritating and can also be very upsetting. This behaviour is not showing personal respect for them and conveys that you do not trust them to search for a job. This is actually reflecting your anxieties and trying to make you feel better, rather than being helpful.
- Thrusting job advertisements, which may or may not be relevant, unrequested, at them every time you see them. That is not showing respect or keeping the situation as normal as possible.
- Criticising their progress or their support mechanisms results in demotivation.
- Telling them your worries about their progress or situation. They usually are aware of the gravity of the situation.
In summary, provide a normal, caring environment without criticism or judgement. Maintain respect for them as an individual and show faith in their future.
Don’t behave as though you want to “ take them in hand” and take control. That behaviour is counter-productive and will drive them away from you.
The information provided in this article is of a general nature only and not intended to be advice.